Tom Shillue: Why I love a fake Christmas tree

There seems to be some controversy in the “fake versus real” debate on Christmas trees. I proudly stand for fake trees. I don’t need any judgments from you “naturalists.”

I know all the arguments in favor of the real tree: a real tree is more authentic, it smells nice, and it reminds you of the old days when you and your Paw would go out on a frigid December morning with axe in hand and chop down a tree yourselves. But I don’t think you ever did that, did you?

My chief problem with real Christmas trees is the needles. They get everywhere. They are a mess and they have a way of lodging themselves deep into all fabrics. By March I’m still pulling them out of my wool sweaters and socks.

“But the smell!” you say, “I love the pine-fresh aroma.”

My chief problem with real Christmas trees is the needles. They get everywhere. They are a mess and they have a way of lodging themselves deep into all fabrics. By March I’m still pulling them out of my wool sweaters and socks.

Well, they make an artificial version of that too, in a spray can, and it works just fine. I’ll believe you if you tell me you can smell the difference, but I don’t think it’s worth the needles in the socks.

And I don’t like the process of buying the real tree. I never…

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