I’m really angry right now, and I don’t care who knows it. There’s a terrible injustice going on, and I want something done.
In its infinite wisdom, the state Department of Education (motto: We’re bureaucrats and you’re not) has decided that schools should do away with the 4th Grade Mission Project, based on its new “History Social Science Framework” for schools.
This means that future generations of parents would not have the grueling ordeal, (oops I mean warm family bonding experience) of building a California mission out of cardboard, foam core or sugar cubes while their child watches TV.
I bitterly resent this because it’s unfair to those of us who’ve already been through the wars. We did it. Why should you get off scot free?
If you’ve ever had a kid, or been a kid, or know any kids in the Golden State, you are aware of this scenario. It consists of 4th graders blithely doing their kid thing, day after day, while parents innocently think everything is fine.
And, then, at 8:45 p.m. on a fateful Sunday night, said kid announces that he has a Mission Project due the next morning. Of course, it was assigned weeks ago, but that fact is too obvious to even mention.
This announcement always comes as the parent in question – usually the Mom – is desperately looking forward to sending the kid to bed and then having an adult beverage or two, before falling into a dreamless sleep.
Instead of which, the merry mayhem that then ensues involves throwing the kid into the minivan and desperately racing to the craft store – moments before it closes – to buy the supplies necessary to complete the assignment.
I know some of you made your missions out of sugar cubes – I heard from people who said they ate most of these and others who complained about ants – but our family missions came from a publicly traded craft store you may know. It’s called Michael’s.
I feel confident that 99 percent of the annual revenue earned by Michael’s Stores Inc. (where you “Make Creativity Happen”) derives from the money California parents are spending on these mission projects, so if you own any stock in the company, you might want to divest yourself of it now.