Out of all the image-conscious brands existing today to do business with, there’s this one e-commerce site that offers a holistically horrific selection of cut-rate overseas warehouse drek imaginable, at discounted prices so embarrassingly low and a reputation perhaps even lower that it sends up enough red flags that the Better Business Bureau posts hundreds of complaints for everyone’s amazement and amusement.
But wait, there’s more.
That dream package deal interests you so much, you not only embrace it as a legitimate partner for your professional sports team, but deem it worthy of adding their name on a high-visible patch that’s right next to your iconic logo?
Dear Lakers: Be very careful what you Wish.com for.
This wishy-washy “digital mall” of maligned mulch passed off as consumer waste claims to be “shopping made fun,” enough so that it will apparently fund the Lakers with more than $30 million in disposable income over the next few seasons should either still be in business after this, according to details of an agreement announced this week.
We don’t discount Lakers President of Business Operations Tim Harris’ best intentions, but it’s dubious that he or anyone else in the organization did any kind of due diligence, or else this wish would never have been granted.
“We talked to a bunch of companies,” he tried to explain why as to why the Lakers attached themselves to this San Francisco-based flim-flam firm instead of perhaps something more local and reputable. “We were hoping for a company that is more mobile facing, because it helps us to continue to connect with younger fans.”
The kind of fans who wish they used Amazon Prime instead?
If you’re starting to think the Lakers would be better off going topless after this consensual arrangement, at least to avoid more ridicule from the local sports-talk landscape, that leads us to the next problem.
Type in pretty much the worst imaginable adult-related bedroom gadgetry you’ve ever heard of on the site’s search engine, and what comes up is stuff more obscene than a $64 million contract once given to Timofey Mozgov. One-size-fits-all championship rings, for example, available for all sorts of body parts.
It’s obvious the Lakers desperately need this kind of extra cash channel to counteract any more of the league-imposed fines that come from loose-lipped tampering.
But our guess is if Jeanie Buss ever decides to go onto the flea-market site that really does offer…