Imagine how giving the Mariners’ pitchers will be during holiday season

Pitchers from this charitable state gave up the fourth-most homers in Major League Baseball last year.

Mariners pitchers ranked fourth in home runs allowed last season.

Well, duh: Washington was the nation’s sixth-most charitable state in 2017, according to WalletHub.com.

Headlines

• At TheKicker.com: “Kevin Durant returns to OKC, visits the birthplaces of six of his Twitter personas.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Nick Saban undergoes cosmetic procedure to unfold arms.”

Slick move

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The IOC stripped Russian bobsledder Alexander Zubkov of his gold medals and banned him from further Olympics for doping.

Apparently his sled tested positive for Clark Griswold’s non-chloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant spray.

Fake news

The front row of the Missouri State student section has added a female mannequin — dubbed Candy May — in hopes of increasing attendance and interest at Bears sporting events, and she’s turned out to be a social-media sensation.

“We’ll take 20,000,” said the L.A. Chargers.

He, she and WWE

A man proposed to his girlfriend at “Monday Night Raw.”

That’s what she gets for saying she expected a humongous ring.

Bad decision

Cavs star LeBron James ejected from a game for the first time in his 15-year NBA career — 1,082 regular-season games.

In other words, he took his talents to the locker room.

Happy birthdays

Bol Bol, Oregon’s prized 7-foot-2 basketball recruit, turned 18 last month.

Rumor has it he was born on Nov. 14, 15 and 16.

Talking the talk

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald, on media coverage of Nebraska’s football-coaching search getting out of hand: “I mean, an extraterrestrial could land at 42nd and Leavenworth Streets, and it would be on Page 4.”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the 49ers’ futile attempts to sack Seahawks QB Russell Wilson: “Trying to capture a butterfly with a soup spoon.”

Shanked that one

An asteroid 3 miles in diameter is expected to miss Earth by 2 million miles this month.

Not that we’ve been watching too much football or anything, but … wide left or wide right?

More headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Greg Schiano drops interest in Tennessee job after discovering program’s ties to awful football.”

• At TheKicker.com: “Insult to injury: Giants now starting Cooper Manning at QB.”

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