Hugging It Out
I am a guy in my late 30s who works in marketing at a small gaming company. A much younger co-worker, also male, has a habit of hugging me every day when he comes in. I don’t like it. I confess I’d be less bothered if this colleague was a woman. But don’t I have some say in whether I am hugged or not?
Paging Jerry Seinfeld, whose refusal to be hugged by the singer Kesha spurred endless coverage on my news feed recently. Honey (and I use the term advisedly), you don’t have to hug anyone you don’t want to. Your spontaneous confession of disliking physical contact with men seems gratuitous, but who cares? Next time, say, “I’m not one for hugging.” Then high-five or fist-bump or do whatever doesn’t bruise your tender masculinity. He’s just trying to be a friendly bro.
B.F.F.s and I.O.U.s
My best friend and I have been best friends for 40 years. We met in kindergarten. He is hard-working but has had an awful run of luck. I have been very fortunate; my wife and I have more money than we could ever spend. My friend asked for a loan. The sum is large, but it wouldn’t make a bit of difference to us. I would like to give it to him as a one-time gift. My wife objects to a gift or loan. She says it will ruin my relationship with him (and if not mine, hers). What should I do?
I am touched by your generosity and sense of perspective. That said, you are in a pickle. I disagree with your wife. But as your partner, she has to be on board. (No secret gifts!) So try again. Make a case for the importance of your friend to you and the irrelevance of the money (in the big picture). Promise her this will be a one-time event. Maybe she’ll go for it. If not, ask about a smaller sum. If she still won’t budge, explain your wife’s worry to your pal. With luck, he will understand that you tried your best.
My husband’s brother and his family moved across the country…