Fellow driver Ryan Newman says it’d doubtful Jeff Gordon, coming off an 8-month retirement, will forget how to drive as he substitutes for concussed Dale Earnhardt Jr.
What, Jeff Gordon rusty?
Not a chance, fellow NASCAR driver Ryan Newman told reporters, even if Gordon is coming out of his 8-month retirement to pinch-drive for the concussed Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Reasoned Newman: “Just because you go to the nude beach for a couple of months doesn’t mean you don’t know how to put your underwear back on.”
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Jim Harbaugh’s done it again: The Michigan football coach has lined up basketball icon Michael Jordan to serve as honorary captain for the season opener against Hawaii on Sept. 3.
In keeping with the theme, the Wolverines plan to wear their Nike football shoes with the tongues hanging out.
Let’s try Plan B
Olympic sponsor Coca-Cola, one has to assume, won’t be putting a new twist on an old jingle and proclaiming: “It’s the Rio thing.”
Phil Mickelson, despite posting a four-round score for the ages at the British Open, finished second in a golf major for a whopping 11th time.
“Tell us about it,” said 872 Bills fans in unison.
Bulls of summer
Denzel Valentine’s buzzer-beating jumper gave the Bulls an 84-82 overtime victory over the Timberwolves that clinched the Las Vegas Summer League championship.
Next up: The championship parade through downtown Skokie.
• Jeff Gordon ofSTLtoday.com, after a team doctor prescribed eating potato chips to ward off Cubs pitcher Jason Hammel’s persistent hand cramping: “When a team can…