My best friend in the world, Yuliya, (better known as Julie) was to be my DC New Years Eve double date side kick. Julie was a blonde, Russian, bombshell, whose accent caused jaws to drop. It did not matter that she could not grasp the concept of American sarcasm, flaunted her dizziness, constantly misused words, or often giggled like a, well, a teenaged girl. Guys pined over her. Julie thought the idea of a blind date was totally exciting. She put on her shortest skirt and picked me up in her cute little blue Mazda MX3.
She stopped the car at the top of my neighborhood and asked if I wanted to smoke a cigarette before we got any further. For some reason, I thought that New Year Eve in Washington DC was the perfect time to smoke some tobacco for the first time. Before we knew it, we were still sitting there, laughing our asses off, and I notice the time. We had been there for a half hour, and we had 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet our dates 10 minutes away. We pulled away.
We get to the DC New Years Eve restaurant, and as we are parking, we catch a glimpse of our dates. I knew my guy had dark hair. His pal had blonde hair and held a bouquet of red roses for Julie who immediately got excited. We both touched up our makeup before getting out of the car. As we got closer, the guys’ faces coming into focus, we both started laughing. We were meeting the geekiest looking guys in possibly all of Richmond, VA! We probably shared a couple of insulting remarks through our smiles before finally reaching them. “Mike” had one of those mustaches that looked more like an eyebrow– the hairs were fine enough to be a prepubescent boy’s. Worse, his teeth were yellow and looked as if he had transplanted them from the mouth of a giant rat. Poor guy. Luckily for Julia, his friend was not the worst looking guy on Earth. He was very timid and ridden with acne scars, though. (To be continued…)