Abusive Parents: Why Do They Deny What Happened?

Parents that are abusive often deny that the abuse has ever taken place. And if it is not denied then it may even be minimized. Both of these actions can have devastating consequences on the lives of those that were abused.

So here I want to take a closer look at why parents deny or minimize abuse and why adult children of abuse are affected by this denial and minimization.

Denial And Minimization

These are known as defence mechanisms that the ego mind uses. And like any defence mechanism, these are used for protection and stability.  The ego minds main purpose is to be safe; it does not care if something is accurate or inaccurate or whether it is functional or dysfunctional.

So anything that the ego mind perceives as a threat to its own sense of safety and internal equilibrium will be dealt with via a defence mechanism. The saying ‘The truth hurts’ comes to mind here and one of the reasons for this is that the ego mind does not run on what is true it only cares about what is familiar and therefore safe.


However, although we all have an ego mind, we are not the mind itself; we are the observers of the mind. And it is the level of awareness that one has, that will define if it is possible to be aware of when these defence mechanism are being utilized.

And when one has minimal to no awareness; the ego mind becomes like a parasite. Here the ego mind can completely take over and what is actually going on will become very difficult for one to see and therefore to take responsibility for. It is then possible for the past to completely forgotten; at least consciously and a kind amnesia can occur.

Why Do These Exist?

In order for the abusive parents to use these defence mechanism, there must have been something that happened earlier in order for them to need them. Because through there use, they are protecting themselves from something.

Self Regulation

I have come to believe that the reason abuse is carried out in the first place is to…

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